


i'm your biggest fan

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band), X Factor RPF
Genre: Canon Compliant, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-08
Updated: 2013-06-08
Packaged: 2017-11-23 03:01:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/617351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had taken Zayn three months and two episodes of throwing crisps at the television when Simon Cowell came on the screen to forgive Simon for turning away the most beautiful creature Zayn’s ever seen.</p><p>(Or, 7,000 words of Zayn being a fanboy for Liam after his 2008 audition)</p>
            </blockquote>





	i'm your biggest fan

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



Before he finally auditioned, Zayn was a fan of the X Factor and it wasn’t a secret to anyone. He’d been ten when he’d first watched the show and paid attention to it, and seeing all of those people pursuing their dreams and doing something they loved empowered him. The reason Zayn began to sing was because of X Factor, sitting huddled up in blankets with hot tea in front of the television with his parents, laughing at the awful auditions and crying at the beautiful ones.

 

It was like a tradition, really: when X Factor was on, you watched, regardless if you liked it or not or how many times you swore that you wouldn’t watch it again this year. It just sucked you in; you couldn’t get away from it no matter how hard you tried. It was the hype more than anything at first really; you kind of just knew that if you didn’t watch it you’d be the awkward person sitting in the corner at school not involved in any of the conversations because all anyone would be speaking about was Leona Lewis and her ridiculous vocals.

 

Zayn was one of those people who never complained about X Factor, not even to save face- he could have tried to play it cool and said, “X Factor’s for losers, I don’t watch that ha,” but it was so obvious that he did and he was always the one who would sit in the middle of everyone at school with all the behind the scenes gossip from Saturday’s show.

 

When he realised that watching the show had made him want to be a singer more than anything, he’d begged his mother daily to buy him singing lessons. He just wanted to know if he could do this, if he had any talent, if one day it could be him up on that screen performing in front of millions and being the boy everyone sat in school gossiping about and watching his performances repeatedly on YouTube.

 

His mother had told him over and again that the singing lessons were so expensive and if she paid for them and Zayn decided that he didn’t want to be a singer, she’d be furious. Zayn started thinking he’d never get to be on X Factor living his dream.

 

-

 

2008 will always be Zayn’s most and least favourite X Factor year for many, many reasons. It’s his least favourite because it’s the first year that the years have changed and you only have to be fourteen to sign up, and he hadn’t realised this until it was too late. He was fifteen years old: he could have done it, he could have auditioned.

 

But the only singing Zayn had really done was in front of the mirror in his bedroom during the day whilst his family were out, blaring his Usher album and trying his hardest to match the vocals. But he couldn’t do it because he didn’t know the key that Usher was singing in, how to tighten his voice like Usher could, because he hadn’t been taught how to.

 

It was bittersweet, watching in 2008 because Zayn knew that it could have been him, had he been given the chance to pursue his dream.

 

It’s also his favourite because of a certain contestant that annoyingly, Zayn can’t get out of his head.

 

Liam Payne is beautiful even at the young age of fourteen and Zayn wants to jump through the television screen and kiss him on the lips and shout at the judges that they better let him through or else.

 

Liam doesn’t need Zayn’s help though, because his audition is beautiful (Zayn YouTube’s it the second X Factor finishes) and he gets through and Zayn’s happy for him, he really is, and he’ll tell anyone who will listen that he thinks Liam’s going to win it, without a doubt.

 

The weirdest thing about all of this is that it doesn’t feel weird. Zayn has never had feelings for a boy before, yet alone one he’s only seen on the television for thirty seconds (but with the amount of times Zayn’s replayed that short clip he feels like he’s seen Liam for weeks). He has a weird feeling in his stomach and he tells his little sisters to shut up and leave him alone when they laugh at him typing in “Liam Payne” into Google Search and actually finding Liam’s Facebook because he’s one of those ridiculous people who have no idea how to set their Facebook private.

 

The reason it’s his worst season of all time is because Simon Cowell is a massive jerk and if Zayn ever gets to meet him he’s going to bite his nose off. Zayn had been waiting for the interviews and profiles in Heat! Magazine. The posters that he could have hung in his room. The chances to go up to The X Factor house and wait outside for Liam in his hat and gloves and maybe even get a chance to breathe in the same air as Liam.

 

But no.

 

Simon Cowell turns Liam away at boot camp and Zayn’s sitting next to his sister Doniya on the sofa almost breaking her hand from how hard he’s clutching her when he has to watch Liam be rejected.

 

Zayn cries and he doesn’t care that his mother puts pictures on Facebook of him or that his sisters call him a sissy. Because Liam had the most beautiful talent and he was so cute, and he was ready for fame, what was Simon Cowell talking about?!

 

“He was robbed,” Zayn announces to his form the following Monday, and Danny tells him to stop being such a gay and get over his awkward crush on Liam.

 

“He’ll be back Zayn,” Danny assured him. “He’ll audition in like two years and he’ll be on your screen and you can wank to him all you want.”

 

“X Factor’s a fix, I’m not watching it again,” Zayn insists.

 

2009 rolls by and Zayn’s sat on the sofa watching X Factor again and he definitely will deny this if anyone asks, but he spends the entire audition process keeping an eye out for Liam Payne.

 

-

 

It is Zayn’s birthday and he’s already unwrapped some Xbox games and jumpers and kissed his mother and father thank you because it’s so expensive buying for three children for Christmas plus the fact that Zayn’s birthday is right after Christmas.

 

“No problem Zayn,” his mother grins at him. “There’s still one left, though- the envelope?”

 

Zayn hadn’t even seen the envelope that was hidden under the bundles of wrapping paper left by his other presents. He wonders if it’s those music vouchers he’d hinted at wanting earlier in the year.

 

“Thanks!” he says, tearing into it and pulling out the piece of card inside and…

 

At first he looks up like he thinks he might have gone mad and his mother is laughing at him, they’re all laughing at him, and then his entire family are actually on him, and Zayn won’t admit it later but he does cry. Just a little.

 

His mother has bought him twenty hours of singing lessons.

 

-

 

Zayn’s dream of being a singer had blossomed even further when he’d watched Liam on the X Factor, he’d inspired him. He liked how Liam had been broken at the rejection but he refused to give up, he was strong and he was definitely very fit and he had the most beautiful voice that Zayn had heard in a long time.

Zayn wanted to be like Liam Payne, not afraid to pursue his dream. His mother had been unable to ignore how much Zayn had been powered up in his pursue of singing after he’d seen Liam, she knew this was something he wanted more than anything and that he wouldn’t give up just after one hour.

It turned out that Zayn was damn talented, and he could sing. To him he wasn’t sure, he thought maybe he could kind of hold a note, but everyone around told him that he had genuine talent and his mum cried and told him she was sorry for holding his dream back this long because he was made for this.

But Zayn just wanted a professional opinion, other than his singing teacher who clearly thought the sun shined out of Zayn’s butt and would have told him he was the next Chris Brown if he thought it would make Zayn smile.

He just wanted someone, like Simon, to look at him and smile and say, “You’re good.” He’s wanted those words directed at him for absolutely years and he thinks it’s time he tried out to see if he could get them (it had taken Zayn three months and two episodes of throwing crisps at the television when Simon Cowell came on the screen to forgive Simon for turning away the most beautiful creature Zayn’s ever seen).

The last thing he wants is to be embarrassed, though. He doesn’t want to stand in front of millions and sing his heart out and then be told that he’s shit, that he’s not going anywhere in this industry. His fear of this is almost enough to stop him from trying out, and it’s not until his mother sits down beside him and says:

“Zayn Javaad Malik. You’re the most talented boy I know, and I don’t care if this is bias. You were made to do this, son. I wouldn’t tell you were brilliant if you weren’t, I wouldn’t set you up for failure when I know that you can blow all those people away. You should do this, Zayn, because you’ve got all of these people sitting at home who have your back and who are dying for you to do this.”

“Mum-”

“You once told me that all you ever wanted to do in life was to sing, see your face on all of the screens, and be a star. You can do this, Zayn. Be a star. If you take this chance, son, you can do anything.”

Then his mother has gathered him into his arms and they’re both crying and she has him so tightly in her arms it kind of hurt a little bit. “Just think of Liam, huh?” his mother teases him, because she found it adorable at the time that Zayn had had such an obvious crush on the boy when he’d been on The X Factor and knew it had been him who had made up Zayn’s decision so firmly.

-

Zayn’s first audition is nerve wracking. He sings Mario’s “Let Me Love You” and at first it scares him how silent the crowd goes when he sings, but when he finishes (he figures it’s maybe a good sign if they’ve let him finish the song) he’s met with a steady round of applause.

Simon Cowell is smiling at him.

“You’re good.”

-

Zayn literally could not illustrate how over the moon he was when he found out he’d gotten through to boot camp. His entire family were so supportive of him and when it was time to pack his bag up to go to the boot camp weekend his mother had cried.

“I’m so proud of you, Zayn,” she said, and Zayn had cried a little too and thanked her for all her help and begging her to wish him some good luck. This was it. This was the start of his dream and no one could take this away from him, it was finally happening and who knows, maybe he’d be the boy that people bought posters of and talked about in school with all of their friends, picked up the phone to vote for him if he got that far.

-

Boot camp’s awkward as hell at first and Zayn kind of feels like there’s no one he can really talk to, no one that he can make friends with. He’s always been shy around new people and this is new to the extreme, all of these people who are bigger and older than him and can belt louder than he can and have vocals that make him feel like a mouse.

Like this is still his dream and he totally wants to be there and he can do this. Kinda. Maybe. He’ll get better.

But of course it doesn’t and he starts to think he’s just shit and he’ll never get through, because he can’t dance (and if that’s not the most shameful experience of his life he doesn’t know what is) and there are people who are so much better than him there and oh, what is he kidding he’s never going to do this.

Zayn Malik meets Liam Payne in McDonalds and he may or may not have screamed like a girl. He was walking with a boy named Aiden, who was one of the rare people who Zayn found he could speak to without being intimidated because Aiden was funny and always made Zayn feel like he would be good in the competition and Zayn needed that, Aiden’s reassurance.

Liam’s walking with a blonde boy, holding a McDonalds bag and it’s clear they’re just about to walk out. Zayn’s walking up to the counter with Aiden and he trips over his own feet and all of the breath just disappears from his lungs because fucking hell, there’s Liam Payne standing a couple of metres away from him.

Aiden huffs out a laugh and Zayn pokes him in the side to stop him from laughing and shaming Zayn even further.

Zayn. Can’t. Breathe.

The worst thing is that Liam sees the way he literally falls over his own feet like he’s doing some complicated dance move and his face lights up in recognition and he’s walking over and Zayn’s not entirely sure but he’s 80% certain that he’s about to pass out.

“Hey,” Liam says and shit, Zayn had forgotten just how perfect his speaking voice was. Liam’s hair is a bit shorter than the last time Zayn saw him, but he’s still straightening it and his eyes are still the perfect chocolate brown that Zayn remembers from two years ago. He’s bigger, and the baby fat on his cheeks is gone and he’s definitely got a more defined jawline.

Liam Payne is hot.

Zayn thinks maybe he’s staring at Liam for longer than is socially acceptable from the way that Liam’s expression goes from happy to confused, and Aiden’s doubled over with his laughter.

“He says hi,” Aiden spoke for him. “He’s just like, you know. Fangirling a bit.”

Liam nods at Aiden. “Hey, Aiden,” he says with a smile, and then looks back down at Zayn. “What’s that?”

“Oh, Zayn’s a massive-”

Suddenly Zayn’s brain is working again because he manages to slap a hand over Aiden’s mouth before he can tell Liam about Zayn’s boy crush on him and completely ruin Zayn’s life forever. Aiden licks his hand but Zayn doesn’t budge.

“H-hello,” is the first word that Zayn Malik ever says to Liam Payne.

“Hey,” Liam smiles and tries again. “So… you’re a contestant, right? I’ve like, seen you around a bit. I like to talk to people so I thought I’d, I dunno, introduce myself.”

The blonde boy beside Liam rolls his eyes and Zayn narrows his eyes at him because is this Liam’s boyfriend or something?

“This is Niall,” Liam says like he’s reading Zayn’s mind. “And I’m-”

“Liam Payne,” Zayn answers without thinking because of course he knows who this boy is, he probably knows more about him than Blondie (Niall, Zayn mentally corrects).

Aiden and Niall have wondered off now, Niall tugging the McDonalds bag out of Liam’s hand as they left.

Liam’s staring at Zayn with his mouth wide open.

“Um, Aiden mentioned you a couple of times?” Zayn says quickly, and congratulates him on the quick save because Liam’s expression relaxes and he grins.

“Looks like Niall’s taken my food and his own, then,” Liam sighs. “Want to get something then wander back… Zayn?”

Zayn is in complete shock because Liam Payne has auditioned in the same year as him, he knows his name, and he’s standing right in front of Zayn looking like the most beautiful boy Zayn has ever seen.

“Sure,” he manages to break out and then Liam’s ordering two burgers and chatting to Zayn like they’ve known each other forever. Zayn’s never met a person, who could do that before, but Liam’s clearly an open book and he seems extremely naïve, like he’d speak to anyone and trust blindly that they were nice people.

It doesn’t even seem to bother him that Niall and Aiden have wandered off, eating his food and he’s had to pay out for another McDonalds. It doesn’t seem to bother him that he’s sitting in a crowded fast food restaurant with a complete stranger who can’t stop staring at him, either.

Zayn wants to scream “I just met Liam Payne!” to everyone in the restaurant and phone his mother and maybe cry a little bit but he plays it cool and walks slowly back into the hotel the contestants are staying in with Liam, who’s already told Zayn that Niall’s his roommate and that Aiden was one of the first people he’d spoken to.

And well, if Zayn asks Liam to take a picture with him and puts it on Facebook with the caption “met some cool people at boot camp”, and he gets a text from Danny saying:

“R u Fangirling or what?????”

Then he doesn’t make a big deal out of it.

-

The way the X Factor looks on the television is in no way shape or form how it really is when you do it yourself, Zayn soon realises. For one thing, you don’t see the judges straight away- he’d had two auditions before them, one where he had to get a gold ticket and then another in front of the producers. They’d told him what to wear for when he met the judges and suggested he thought of a different song- he had been going to sing “That’s my goal” but they recommended something more RnB for his image so he decided on “let me love you”.

Boot camp isn’t how it looks, either. He’d always sighed at the contestants who had fun rather than practiced, but it soon becomes apparent that they just make it look worse on the screen. No one takes a break, everyone’s working hard and freaking and, singing into the early hours of the morning and still managing to socialise (apart from a young man named Jake, who hadn’t come out of his room once other than to perform).

He’s glad he has Aiden because they’re similar in age and they both understand what it’s like to be away from home and not understanding why everything’s so different to what you imagined. Aiden seems to know everyone- he introduces Zayn to Matt, and he already knew Liam and Niall (Zayn’s still upset that Aiden didn’t think to mention he knew the sex god when Zayn had been pining when they’d first met).

It’s just.

Well.

What were the chances of meeting Liam, the quiet adorable boy that Zayn had rooted for in times that seem so far away now? For Liam to be so humble, so normal, and to be completely unaware of the fact that Zayn wants to tackle him to the ground and have his wicked way with him.

Who actually gets to meet their idol in these circumstances, where you’re considered equals and there are so many opportunities to speak with them?

Zayn needs to stop thinking about that before he has a mental breakdown because _he met Liam Payne today._

“Your phone’s ringing,” Aiden’s head is under his pillow and he raises to slightly, groaning, face pale, bags under his eyes. Aiden sleeps more than a kitten honestly, Zayn thought he was bad but Aiden can fall asleep in the middle of practice. He doesn’t like to be woken up (the fact he’s rooming with Zayn is good and bad because they never usually wake each other up, but that also means they’re both nearly always late).

Zayn blinks up at him and then turns over, hoping it will stop.

It doesn’t, and Aiden begins whining, practically wailing, threatening to shatter it and Zayn doesn’t want to risk calling his bluff. So he reaches over and answers it.

“Mate,” Danny says, “Mate seriously.”

“I am so unable to even make conversation with you right now. I’m freaking the fuck out-”

“And your roommate’s going to kill you if you don’t keep it down,” Aiden growled.

“He’s so normal, Danny- but so perfect oh gosh. He’s staying in the room down the corner from me-”

“If you have sex I don’t want the details,” Danny’s raising his eyebrows, Zayn can just tell. “Don’t think I didn’t see the puppy eyes in that picture.”

“I kept it cool thank you,” Zayn said, hurt. “Did I look like I’m freaking out?”

“You look like you’ve just won the lottery.”

Zayn doubts winning the lottery is better than meeting Liam-freaking-Payne. “How’s everyone at home?” he changes the subject swiftly.

“School’s meh,” Danny shrugs. “I can’t believe you let me take A Level maths. You’ve got full support from the school by the way, although Miss is still miffed you’re not completing sixth form.”

“It’s the summer holidays next week isn’t it? I won’t have missed much. Danny, the people here are so good. There’s no way I’m making it to live shows.”

“Course you will!” Danny says cheerfully. “You’re the singer, Ant’s the actor, and I can be… I don’t know, the artist? The normal one?”

“Aha,” Zayn shakes his head. He’s really missing home and he wants to go back, but at the same time going home’s the last thing he wants to do.”

“You made friends?”

“He’s about to lose one,” Aiden butts in again. “Zayn, it’s eight in the morning. Please save this until later or learn to speak quietly; I need frigging sleep.”

Zayn quickly says goodbye and then regards Aiden. Almost comically his eyes widen and he starts cursing, jumps out of bed and starts pulling on clothes.

“The hell are you doing?” Aiden raises his eyebrows.

“It’s the frigging pre results in ten minutes Aiden, we’re late _again.”_

_\----_

Liam is on his own again.

That in itself confuses Zayn, because surely Liam would have made the most friends in this place, there would be no need for him ever to be by himself. He doesn’t look sad, more resigned, and he’s sitting on the steps quietly flicking through a music magazine.

Zayn’s heart stops when Liam reaches down to pick up his bottle of Pepsi and a flash of skin shows, part of his stomach, the tan smooth skin making Zayn’s throat dry. And then- when he brings the drink to his mouth- and he tilts his head right back, taking a swig, using his free hand to play with his fringe-

Zayn is so done with this boy.

 _Act cool_ , he tells himself. _Think of what Aiden would do in this situation. He doesn’t know you’re kind of completely unstoppably in love with him, keep it that way._

He tries to be casual and just smile slightly and wave, but then Liam looks up and he beams and Zayn trips over.

It’s awkward because he lands on top of Liam’s magazine and Liam holds out his hand to steady Zayn so he doesn’t fall and crack his head on the concrete like he was about to. Flaming red with embarrassment, Zayn tries to laugh (and fails) and says hello (squawks it).

“Hi again,” Liam smiles, moving himself over so Zayn can sit down and not sit in the dirty parts of the stairs (which just makes him even more perfect. He’s a gentleman. Is it Zayn’s fault he wants to marry the guy? Even if he’d just heard about him, he’d probably feel the same way).

“No blon- _Niall_ today?” it’s the first thing Zayn thinks to say and he really hopes that the jealousy in his tone could only be heard by him. He knows Niall is just Liam’s roommate but seriously, if Zayn was rooming with Liam things would definitely be happening and he doubts Niall doesn’t feel anything for the boy.

“Nah, he’s off with some friends he made in the group task,” Liam shrugs, like he hadn’t expected Niall to stick around anyway. “I think he only hung around with me cos I was rooming with him, you know? He’s a lot better with people than I am.”

The group task.

That task had been the bane of Zayn’s experience at boot camp. They’d all been put into groups of four and five and Zayn had been put with two twenty five year olds and a sixty year old woman who wanted to sing Diana Ross (Zayn has nothing against Diana Ross, he just really didn’t want to perform her songs). He’s quiet and awkward when he’s not comfortable around people and it had sort of felt like everyone in the room had wanted different things than he did and one of the boys had made it clear he didn’t want to be doing the task with any of them.

“You’re amazing with people,” Zayn gushed without thinking. “You’re so polite and nice and funny-”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to try and make me feel better,” Liam says confusedly. “I know Niall likes me and it’s not like we aren’t kind of friends. But we’re not like you and Aiden- like we’re not always together.”

“Oh,” said Zayn.

“Where’s Aiden off to then?” Liam asks interestedly, and he puts the magazine away in his bag and Zayn’s eyes widen because that pretty much tells him that Liam actually wants to have a conversation with him, he’s interested in what he has to say.

“He’s with Matt and Harry,” Zayn said. He hadn’t met Harry yet, but from what he could infer Matt, Harry and another boy (Lewis? Louis? Zayn couldn’t remember) were one of the few people who had gotten a triple room instead of a double, and Aiden got on really well with Matt which meant he spoke to them all a lot.

“Niall said something about Harry,” Liam said with surprise. “Styles? The really cute one with the curly hair?”

T _he really cute one?_ Zayn thought, trying not to get jealous and purse his lips. “Yeah, I guess so. What, do you know him?”

Liam shrugged. “Niall does,” he said as if that explains everything. “Never spoke to him myself, though. I- um. I don’t know many people.”

Zayn doesn’t understand. This is Liam-freaking-Payne. He should be surrounded by girls throwing panties at him (if Zayn had them, he so would) and screaming his name. Boys should be envying him and asking him how he does his hair. Old ladies should pat him on the head and call him their darling.

 _Perfect guy over here!_ Zayn wants to get on top of a building (but he’s scared of heights, so he won’t) and scream it out whilst wearing a shirt with his name on it.

Oh, and he wants to get naked. But that’s slightly different.

“Same here man,” he says instead. “I saw you with- what’s her name? Jade?” he raises his eyebrows. He’d seen Liam twice since the start of boot camp: once in McDonalds, and another time he’d caught a glimpse of him standing with a girl with brown hair and honeyed skin. “Who’s that?”

If he’s got a girlfriend Zayn decides he will scream. Loudly.

“Jade! Yeah, Jade, we’re good friends,” Liam grins for the first time in the conversation. “I’ve known her for a while, we met a couple of years ago when-”

Liam stops.

He looks down at the ground, shakes his head and bites his lip. Zayn watches as his face goes pink and he looks nervous, embarrassed.

“Erm,” he says, “Yeah. I- um. I met Jade a couple of years ago- here. We- we auditioned for the X Factor for the first time in the same year.”

He looks at Zayn like he’s going to be ridiculed, the boy who had to come back again because he got turned down the first time. it’s like he’s waiting for it, waiting to be told that he’s not good enough and that he shouldn’t be here because it’s clear that the judges don’t even like him.

Zayn considers kissing him but figures that likely wouldn’t be a good idea. Instead he settles for indifference- not just for himself, but for Liam, who honestly looks ashamed that he’s just told Zayn that he’s had to audition more than once. He doesn’t think Liam should be ashamed at all. He was amazing and he would have done so well in 2008, it wasn’t a reflection of himself that he didn’t get through at all. Zayn would have definitely put him through.

“If you had got through then I wouldn’t have met you,” he says and then realises he’d said it aloud and tried not to scream and hit himself. “I mean- you know. Cos um… it’d be a shame not to know me, huh?”

 _Nice save_ , he thinks to himself. _But now he thinks you’re an arrogant twat._

\-----

The contestants have a night off and Zayn is drunk.

“Tipsy,” he corrects Aiden, who rolls his eyes and shoves him into a chair and forces a glass of water into his hand.

“You’re underage, you idiot,” he hisses. “You’re not supposed to be drinking and you know it.”

“I’m eighteen in January,” Zayn protests. “Just- a little. I just had a little wickle tickle-”

“You’re pathetic,” Aiden tells him with cheer in his voice, and then he goes away and Zayn would shout after him but he feels really tired and heavy- and okay, maybe he drank a bit too much.

There are arms around him and a warm body next to him and without opening his eyes he tries to speak in his drunken state: “I sleep on you?”

\----

He wakes up and everyone’s still drinking, some of them in the swimming pool. There’s no sign of Aiden or Matt or anyone he knows so he assumes they’ve done the smart thing and gone to bed. And left him on his own, the pricks.

“They left you with me, actually,” says a perfect voice and Zayn nearly has a heart attack because he’s lying on top of Liam-freaking-Payne and he’s talking to him and he’s drunk and not able to control his voice box right now.

“I said that aloud, did I?”

“Yeah.” Zayn looks up and even in the dim light he can see that Liam’s cheeks have gone red. “And um, you also called me Liam-freaking-Payne about ten minutes ago?”

Zayn splutters and freaks out, eventually falling forward and he would have hit the ground if Liam hadn’t grabbed him by the waist and pulled him back onto his _lap._

“You should go to sleep,” Liam sighs. “It’s our last performance tomorrow, Zayn. Our last chances to you know, prove to the judges that we deserve to be here.”

“No sleep,” Zayn whines, getting himself comfortable on Liam’s chest, head nuzzling his neck. “Stay here with you.”

\---

Zayn wakes up in his own bed the next morning with Aiden pelting pillows at him. “Wake up, sleepy head,” he smirks. “Last performance time!”

“Nooo,” Zayn whines, closing his eyes. “You’re not Liam.”

“And have you drooling all over me? Nope, I’m glad I’m not Liam thank you very much. We’re going to be on time so we can practice yes? So get up.”

“Where’s Liam?” Zayn says sadly. “I was with Liam-”

“Yeah, and you were filthy drunk,” Aiden rolls his eyes. “He brought you back here at about one in the morning. Apparently it would have been earlier but you wouldn’t let him go but then you passed out.”

“Oh my god,” Zayn got up so quickly that he nearly hit his head on the bunk. “Please tell me this is a prank. Please tell me I did not pass out in front of the most fantastic person in the world. I beg of you.”

“Nope, you did,” Aiden snorted. “Come on, Matt and the boys are waiting.”

\----

Louis Tomlinson is- well, Zayn likes him straight away. He’s funny, but quietly. At least at first, anyway. He’s holding hands with Harry who looks young but composed, and the first thing Louis tells him is:

“I made Harry give me an autograph when we first met, because I just know he’s going to make it you know? Just look at them curls, eh.” He takes it upon himself to ruffle Harry’s curls, and youngest boy grins at Zayn and rolls his eyes.

“You know Liam don’t you?” Harry says. “I’ve been meaning to meet him to ask him what it’s like, you know. Being in the competition, he’d know wouldn’t he? But Niall says he just keeps himself to himself.”

“He’s just shy,” Zayn says defensively. “There are loads of people who’ve been here before- anyway, I saw you with Jade and she was here before-”

“That was just to film a skit,” Harry shrugged. “They thought it’d be funny to pretend I was dating all of the girls, you know? Didn’t get much of a chance to speak to her.”

“Oh,” Zayn said. He hadn’t been asked to film everything extra. Was that a bad sign? Was no one interested?

They’d made a bit of a deal out of his dancing thing, he supposed. But he thinks that might be a point against him, not in his favour. Harry’s probably had a million interviews already.

“Don’t mind Zayn,” Aiden smirks, winking at Louis. “He’s got a boner for Liam, don’t you?”

“I do not,” Zayn looked away.

“He calls him Liam-freaking-Payne.”

“I do _not.”_

“He passed out on him last night-”

With that, Zayn storms away (he hears laughter behind him and he resists the urge to flip them all off). Calm, he tells himself. They can laugh at your crush, but they won’t be laughing when you and Liam get married and you don’t invite them. So there.

\----

He goes into the bathroom and he hears singing.

“We’re all of the stars, we’re fading away. Just try not to worry, you’ll see us someday, just take what you need- and be on your way and stop crying your heart out…”

It feels like Liam’s giving him a personal concert and that makes Zayn want to swoon. He ignores the fact that Liam seems to be wherever he is, always catching Zayn in his worst moments.

“You’re singing Oasis for the last song?” he asks quietly when the singing finishes and Liam turns around.

“Zayn,” he says, surprised but not embarrassed. Everyone practices at all opportunities, in the bathroom, the canteen, corridors. It’s like permanently being in high school musical. “Thought you were with Aiden and that?”

“Meh,” Zayn shrugs. “Thought I’d come look for you and Niall instead.”

“Niall’s got nerves,” Liam whispers, as though it’s a secret. “He’s been sick twice this morning, and he’s wearing his four leafed clover again.”

“He’ll be fine,” Zayn shrugs. “He’s blonde and he sings Justin Bieber. He’s going to do just fine, you tell him I said that.”

“He’ll like that,” Liam smiles. “Especially coming from you. He doesn’t think you like him.”

 _No, I’m just jealous_ , Zayn thinks but this time he makes sure it doesn’t say it aloud.

“Course I do,” he says instead. “How could you not like him? He’s too cute. You know.”

“Yeah,” Liam smiles. “Um- hey-”

“What?”

“We… we talk a lot, right? You and me?”

Zayn’s confused. “Yeah, we do,” he nods. “You’re awesome.”

Liam’s face crumples. “I am? Do you really think so?” before Zayn can answer Liam’s pacing the bathroom and he’s biting his lip. “I haven’t made friends,” he says almost pitifully and Zayn wants to wrap his arms around him but he doesn’t, he watches.

“I tried to talk to the other boys because Niall said they were cool, but they’re- they’re just so, you know. Fun. And I’m not. You can tell they’re going to be popular because they’re all so good looking and charming- what the heck, so are you- but I’m just me and I didn’t get through last time so why the hell did I bother coming back?”

Zayn opens his mouth to speak but Liam’s not stopping any time soon.

“I pretty much just came back to shame myself even more, I know it now. I’m not getting through this time. There are so many amazing people this year and I’m old news and they’ll want to see some fresh boy and not me, Liam who couldn’t get through last time-”

“That’s not true at all,” Zayn interrupted. “You’re my favourite person at boot camp. Really. I like you more than I like Aiden, easily.” Liam laughs, like Zayn intended him to, which relieves him. “You’re funny and your voice is amazing… you didn’t get through last year because you were only fourteen-”

There are lips pressed against his own and oh lord, how is this Zayn’s life? Liam freaking Payne is only bloody kissing him, hand firm on his waist, holding on like Zayn’s anchoring him to the god damn planet. It’s unexpected but Zayn kisses back once he manages to save himself from a heart attack and then he’s moaning into Liam’s mouth, gasping because Liam’s a good a kisser as he is a singer.

Zayn almost falls over when Liam pulls away but again, as is becoming the pattern, Liam grabs him by the arm and stops him from falling flat on his face.

“How did you know I was fourteen?” Liam asks, but Zayn just shrugs and rests his head on Liam’s shoulder. He figures he’s allowed to do that now.

“Dunno.”

“This is it,” Liam said quietly. “When we perform this song. It’s the last time we’re going to see each other, you know? In a weird way, that’s kind of why I did it. I wanted to from when I first saw you. Guess the realisation that I’m back off to Wolverhampton tomorrow gave me the confidence I needed to do it.”

“Liam?”

“I’m not getting through. It’s fine, I- I get it. I’m going to go home and try something different and not mention the dreaded X Factor words ever again. You and- probably Harry. You, Harry, Matt and Aiden. That’s who I’ve got my money on.”

“If either of us is going home it’s _me-“_

Liam shrugs. “I don’t think so,” he says. “But it doesn’t matter which of us goes home, or if we both go home or whatever. They won’t put both of us through, we’re too similar. Same age, tone, you know? You and Niall are kind of the only friends I’ve made here though and I’m gutted that this it.”

 _Liam Payne thinks we’re friends and he just kissed me,_ Zayn thinks to himself in disbelief.

\-----

The song goes alright and Zayn finishes in time to watch Liam. Liam’s wrong, he thinks, he’s not going home. The crowd goes wild when he sings and Simon smiles at him and all of the contestants love him, even if he doesn’t speak to them much. He doesn’t need to, he’s just perfect and lovely.

Zayn feels like his performance was good, but it wasn’t good enough. Aiden has to beg him not to sneak off home and not go to the results, and he promises Zayn extra cuddles if he stays. Zayn tells him about Liam and Aiden fist pumps him.

He doesn’t want to leave Liam.

\----

And then Zayn will wish he never turned up to the results, because it’s horrible, it’s absolutely horrible.

Aiden gets through, his name is one of the first to be called and Zayn’s happy for him- he clutches his head and gives him a genuine, if somewhat teary, reassuring grin.

He knows.

When Matt gets called, Zayn knows that’s it. He’s not going to get through because there are only two places left and James gets one and he can’t even recall who gets the last one because he’s too busy averting his eyes from the camera and feeling like he’s let his mother down.

He doesn’t get through.

\---

The most shocking thing though, is that Liam doesn’t get through either. It’s a horrible sight to see: the boy’s face falls, even though it seemed like he was expecting it, and seeing Liam cry in the flesh was one hundred times worse than seeing him cry on the television. He’s being interviewed by Dermot- no, he’s walking off, and Zayn sits down on the floor in shock. He doesn’t cry, he doesn’t think he can.

Louis had been next to him when they were finding out the results, both chewing on their nails, both looking at each other and nodding as though they both had an understanding. Harry’s in bits and Louis’ trying to comfort him, and Niall is in much the same state as Liam is.

Matt and Aiden are obviously happy but they’re broken for the boys and they don’t know how to act in this situation. What could you say, really? This was their dream. Their dream was to be successful stars.

Broken into bits.

\----

“Can… Zayn Malik… to see the judges please.”

Zayn doesn’t concentrate until he hears his name and he knows it’s not just his name that’s been called but he doesn’t know who else it is. He’s just phoned his mum and told him the news, and she’s on her way to pick him up.

He goes to the judges, and he’s thankful to walk in with Louis- at least he knows someone.

He stands on the edge of the line- and then Liam walks in.

Liam freaking Payne.

“We’d like you to work together,” Simon says. “We don’t want to let you go. So- what do you think?”

“Think you can work together?” Nicole smiles at them.

Liam and Zayn’s eyes meet.

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me, keachasm.tumblr.com


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